Do sex dreams reveal our inner longings? Should we question our outer sexual relating if we dream of someone different from our regular partner. Is dream sex to make us happy? Is it compensation for what we lack in life? Strephon speaks to these points. (32 minutes)
Sex causes a lot of comment and anxiety laughs from people. Even the so-called liberated in their podcasts cannot help making jokes, laughs and giggles when discussing sex.
I think the dominant reason is that sex causes so many things to happen in a person’s life. Most laughter is anxiety laughter. We try and make something happy when in fact what we laugh about is serious and fate. Not being in control is not going to make most of us happy.
Let’s face it. Sex is destiny. At some point sex with someone is going to determine many years of your life for better and maybe for worse.
Sex gives us the truth that we are not in charge of our own lives. Sex as a passion rules.
So, either bite the bullet or enjoy the ride. I recommend both!
Besides the fun of sex together I know sex from all that we project onto it. I know sex from how humans suffer so from this greatest of bodily and emotional pleasures.
There would be little need for me as a psychologist and lover to talk of people’s sexual experiences, including their dream sex experiences, if the parents and grandparents, and the controllers of society, had not loaded our sexual acts and perspectives with all sorts of condemnatory and false attitudes.
To illustrate how all-reaching the processing of sexual experience can be, here is a young woman sharing about her sex dreams and asking clear questions on the Dreamwork2000.com Consciousness Forum. She says:
Lately I have been having these great sex dreams about my boyfriends friend. I enjoy them so much and wake up happy. It makes me wonder if I really like him, or if im loosing interest for my boyfriend or what??????
It helps to see our dream and sex experiences from a universal perspective. Underlying our direct experiences in everyday reality are the attitudes and perspectives by which we filter our experiences to learn from them.
And empty glass is only half as interesting as a full one.
Thus living experience is the wine or nectar, and the glass itself, however finely or crudely made, is the context of attitudes and reality pictures through which we contain and process our raw experiences.
If you are not already happy in sex, sex will not make you happy. Get content with yourself first and then maybe, just maybe, you can experience yourself happy in sex.
Clear out the anxiety around your genitals first then have sex. Don’t jump up to take a pee just before he is about to penetrate you. Don’t smoke after, or pick a fight. Don’t run away home after sex but stay in that bed to face the music of the kind of person you are with. Don’t talk over your sex experience with a friend right after. It’s not appropriate or real. If you talk to someone else about your sex life then have sex with that person also. Make your life direct, rather than talked about. I swear, many people spend twenty percent of their life in direct experiences, and eighty percent of their time talking about that twenty percent of direct living to others. Reverse the timing and won’t you then be living a far more expressive and fulfilled life?
Live your sexual life. Don’t talk about it so much. Yes, talk about it to process it through. But live it, for Love’s sake!
We can see that this dreamer either projects or knows that sex gives her positive energy and pleasure and makes her happy.
We don’t know this actually. Let’s turn it all around.
-What if her real life sex is not making her happy and she thinks it is supposed to?
-What if she uses sex to make herself happy when in fact she is not happy?
-Why should one need sex in an intimate relationship to make one happy? Shouldn’t the relationship itself, if it is the right one for you, make you and your partner happy?
Basically said, the reality statement is this: If you depend at all on the sex to make you happy in your committed relationship then something major is not working in that relationship.
Corollary: If at the core your relationship is working well for both of you, then this makes you both happy, and happy couples have great sex, don’t they?
-Happy couples have great sex.
-Unhappy couples cannot make each other happy through sex.
-Sex does not make unhappy couples happy.
-Sex does not make unhappy individuals happy. Though for not doing so sex can be a great substitute for happiness, can’t it? Just joking.
-If you have that blank feeling after sex with someone, then, no matter how intensely pleasurable you felt during the intercourse, you two are not united spiritually and emotionally, and being physically united will not make you happy either.
What you are not getting out in the world, you then compensate for in your dreaming life.
If you are having great sex in your dreams then we could say that you need to have great sex in your dreams. You need to feel the tremendous power of the life force in you and life, especially if you let go to it and express it. In dreams is a place to start.
Do marriage or relationship vows extend to dream monogamy as well as outer life monogamy?
Since dreams may compensate outer life, I say, then of course having great dream sex can mean that you had better deal more consciously now with your outer sexual relationship.
As in dreams, so in life.
Sex and sexual attraction want us to be vital, joyful, playful, breaking out of inhibitions, attitudes and judgments.
Have fun with life and let life have fun with you.
Life does not have to be so serious, does it?
Maybe life itself is one big sexual attraction to life?
Maybe you are meant to be a lover of life?
Love where love is.
Let the old stuff go.
Love then, in dreams and life, and let the devil take the rejects.
Just a few thoughts!
Follow that caress past the midnight hour, when destiny and the clock strike one and later!
This is Strephon Kaplan-Williams loving life, this 10th of June, 2006.